she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
