dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
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is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize