Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
be right there i have to get my cape
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
