K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
