Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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