I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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