Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
