for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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