So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
