You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
