I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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