ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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