The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
