According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
