why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
