Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
