If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
