She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
