Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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