You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
