I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
