none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
