You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
