I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
