i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want her autograph on my taint
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
