i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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