I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
