Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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