What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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