I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
