you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
