Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
