from now on my penis is your penis
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
