i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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