You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
