theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
