halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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