i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
