it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
