I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
