people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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