foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So many bounce houses so little time
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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