I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
