The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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