I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
