i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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