Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
