Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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