Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
