What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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