Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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