Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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