Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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