remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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