On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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