I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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