I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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