were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
