I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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