Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
