I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
