Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
