im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
