Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
