i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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