Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
