don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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