the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just gift wrapped bread.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
