my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
