Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
