i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
