this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
