I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
a search helicopter?!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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