First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
