New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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