you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
