Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
