He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
