She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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