im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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